Where You Can Have it Your Way, but Don’t Get Crazy.

People suck. Sorry, it’s just true. You can always try and suck less, but humanity, on a whole, just sucks. I find it fascinating that people let some of the major travesties of the world slide by (hey, I’m guilty of it too) but are up in arms because some dude is reselling Trader Joes meals, or another dude looks at the frosty machine and can’t resist the urge to put his face under it (goodness knows I wouldn’t be able to). Isn’t it just common knowledge at this point that if you don’t prepare your own food, you are taking a gamble with what happens to it. Be ok with it before you order.

Someone recently told me that if he were in charge of the major corporations that are having to deal with some of these indiscretions that are getting so much media attention (I’m looking at you Taco Bell lick-er…) that their solution would be to make “an example” of the kid who did it (because lets be real, it’s mostly kids) and sue them for all their worth – NAY, all their parents are worth (see kid comment) – fillet them in front of the media, quarter them with horse drawn carriages, and leave them alone in The Iron Maiden until the next twerp knows better than to mess with ACME Burgers and Things!

Ok, first of all, my public relations hat SCREAMING hearing this (your public relations hat talks, right?…what’s that? No public relations hat? Ok, then.) Mr. Large Corporate Man, I don’t care if someone is ruining your business that you’ve worked your whole life to build – you’re a corporation and I don’t like you. On principle, of course. Yup – because that’s all the consumers will think. You can’t “make an example” of someone in a day and age where the power is in the hands of the consumer. Don’t get me wrong, if that extra-hot 492 degree mcmammoth sized drink I ordered burns my mouth, obviously I expect to get not only wages-lost but a little somethin’ somethin’ for the emotional distress I experienced. I can hardly expect to think that might happen. This is a one-way street my friend.

[Pause for a true story – years ago at the mall, my mother bought a tea while indulging me in a justifiably-bad for me Auntie Anne’s pretzel (to which we would later find out I’m severely gluten-intolerant, but that’s another blog post….). I tried being helpful and bringing her tea to the table; long story short, the lid wasn’t all the way on and the scalding hot water spilled down my fragile 8 year-old skin. A trip to the E.R., many screams, 3rd degree burns and a GINORMOUS teddy bear from the company later, and that was that. No lawsuit, no threats – things like this HAPPEN, what’s the point of being that person??]

It’s been a long-time coming that corporations and “the man” are the bad guys. The best you can do is hope to minimize the issue, fire the twisted little weirdo, assure customers you will tighten standards and reevaluate health procedures and hope the creep you saw working next door at PlimpyMcLardFries just can’t resist the urge to violate the frozen potato strings and the media moves on.

Beyond the PR cluster that would ensue (would that be fun? I can’t decide – terrifying, of course – but maybe a little fun?) – Really what does a company get out of it? Legal bills? To what degree do you figure when you grow to that behemoth of a size, and you can’t control every employee, something like this may happen?

Now, where is the office trail mix? I want to stick my grubby hands in it and pull out all the Almonds (another truth).



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